


Something Lost

by zirkkun



Series: Various Rant Fics [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Crying, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Men Crying, Not Beta Read, Other, POV Third Person Omniscient, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Rant Fic, Rants, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Sans (Undertale) Doesn't Remember Resets, Snowdin (Undertale), they/them pronouns for reader, tired, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26756752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zirkkun/pseuds/zirkkun
Summary: Toriel has been messaging the human who broke the barrier for a while, but begins to grow worried when they stop being marked as read. The human went on a walk, as their monster friends suggested, but hasn't been back for a very long time. Sans offers to go look for them.
Relationships: Sans & Reader
Series: Various Rant Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990828
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	Something Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is an enitrely self-indulgent rant fic I wrote the other day because I wasn't in a great mood. I haven't proofread it at all, either, so apologies if there's something that doesn't make sense.

"Sans, I don't think my texts have been read for quite a long time... Do you think something happened to them?"

He shrugged, hands stuffed in his pockets as he glanced to the cell phone screen displayed before his eyes. "Couldn't tell ya. Should I go find them?"

The goat-like, motherly figure holding her cell phone grinned sheepishly, eyes speaking a guilty frown for bringing it up as she brushed her ear over her shoulder. "You don't have to if you don't want to, Sans, but if you feel it's necessary..."

"Don't sweat it, Tori, it won't take that long." He returned to her as genuine of a smile as he could muster. "They couldn't have gone too far, right? 'sides, even Snowdin is only like a 20 minute walk at best." The Underground wasn't all that large, relatively speaking. Of course, it being the only thing he'd experienced, it's not like he had much to compare it to.

Not yet, anyway. Sans didn't want to admit it, because he had this gut feeling he was getting overexcited for some reason, but the idea of seeing the Surface for the first time was leading him to feel happier than he had felt in a very long time. While he didn't want to pressure the human who made it possible for them by rushing them to leave... he couldn't wait to leave. So he didn't mind going to look for them to ease Tori's nerves. Did he have any idea as to where they were? Nope.

Sans started walking towards the wall, to Toriel's confusion, but in a Sans-like manner disappeared through a shortcut to Snowdin Town. Based on the amount of time that had passed since the human had left, this was the farthest they could have gone, Sans assumed.

The town was livelier than ever: people gathering their things, talking amongst themselves, some folks even taking in the snowy sights for the very last time. Sans didn't notice, but the grin on his face had become just a little more genuine, giddy with excitement. He fidgeted with the fabric of his sweatshirt pockets, hand still stuffed inside.

It was when he was beginning to walk towards his own house when he heard crying.

Reaching for the doorknob, he stopped in his tracks. The soft weeping was almost inaudible compared to the joy from the rest of townspeople. Sans let his hand fall back to his side as he jumped off the steps to his house, listening for the source of the sobbing. Light footsteps trailed all the way to the back of his house, leading to a person sitting right before the locked back door.

It was the human.

Their knees were pulled up to their chest, held up by crossed arms, with their face buried in it all in a failed attempt to cover their crying. They had tucked themself into the corner between the locked door and the back wall of the house, only just barely not in the snow covering most of the back walkway.

Sans hadn't expected to come across this. At worst, he had been expecting to find the human had just gotten lost for some reason or another. Amongst everyone's excitement, he didn't think he'd find them crying. He didn't know what to do. He knew he wasn't the best person for comfort, but at the same time, he didn't want to leave them here in this state either.

He knocked on the side of his house twice. "Knock, knock," he said.

The human jolted, crying stopping for a brief moment as they swung their head back up from their lap. Soaked, red eyes met Sans's eyelights, panic-stricken and worried. "Wh -- Sans, I didn't -- when did you --"

"C'mon now, the correct response is 'who's there?'" Sans teased.

The human sniffled, raising an eyebrow. "Who's there...?" they responded, puzzled by his response.

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"Hey, no reason to be cryin' now, buddy." The human chuckled half-heartedly at the punchline as Sans sat down on the ground next to them. "What's eatin' at ya? I came to find you 'cause Tori was a little worried you hadn't messaged in a while," he explained. "Didn't expect to see you like this, though."

A heavy frown overwhelming their expression, the human didn't respond for quite a long time. Sans didn't pry, he merely waited. The silence allowed for the echo of the townsfolk's joyous chatter between them. It drilled into the human's ears, hurting them more with every happy phrase they heard. Tears started streaming down their face once again without their control. Through choppy breaths, they finally caved and explained.

"I don't want to go back."

Sans expected there to be a bit more explanation, but frankly, he wasn't sure he'd have been able to respond properly even if there was one. He didn't know what to say. The human spent all this time trying to get to the end of their journey, breaking the barrier and everything, but they didn't even want to go back home? He tried to make sense of it, but even with his "not wanting to do anything other than stay home and do what's normal for him" logic found this to be nothing but a backwards mindset.

"What makes you say that?" he replied instead.

"The Surface is horrible," the human responded immediately, hatred lacing their voice. "I don't want to live there anymore. It's just..." They sucked in a harsh breath, hastily wiping freezing tears from their eyes. "I can't do anything there. Everything I was ever told was a lie, and all that anyone ever tells me now is that I have to suck it up and adjust to the same life everyone else has. I thought I could do more than that. I thought I'd be able to enjoy life. But it seems my only option is to fall into the same trap everyone else has..." They took a deep breath, facing Sans without meeting his eyes, a false smile plastered across their cheeks. "Do you know why I jumped? Why I fell down here in the first place?" Their gaze was defeated. "I didn't want to continue. I had given up. But when I woke up, alive..." The human violently shook their head as they threw their head back into their lap, heaving a few more heavy sobs.

Sans was at a loss. He didn't know what to say or do. Should he say something comforting? Try and give them a hug? Were they even okay with hugs? He didn't know. He really wished anyone else besides him were here right now -- they deserved someone better than him to try and cheer up with. He stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets, watching the human crying before him and not doing anything at all. Just when he went to say something, they tipped up their head and spoke up again.

"I don't know if you remember, but when you guys were corrupted by Asriel's strength and just saying your worst thoughts... you kind of said a similar thing. 'Just give up. I did.'" Sans was taken aback at the remark -- he didn't remember saying that, and frankly, the thought of confessing such a thing to someone struck fear into his Soul. "But... The only thing keeping me going down here was you guys. The monsters. You've all been trapped down here for so long... You guys don't deserve that fate. You deserve to have the world. You've been nothing but kind to me, no matter what I've said, you're all just so kind to me, and I don't deserve it." Their voice cracked as they continued, sniffling a bit beforehand. "When Undyne said that you guys needed one more Soul to break the barrier, I knew what I had to do. I had to see Asgore. I wanted him to take my Soul and free you all... but he wouldn't do it. As I refused to attack, merely begging for him to take my life for the sake of you all... He wouldn't accept it. He refused my mercy and I had to attack him. I d-didn't want to, I just wanted to save you guys... But in doing so, now I'm still alive. I helped you guys, but I'm still here! And you're all still so nice to me!" The human broke down again.

It felt wrong to merely reply to such a rant with something so menial as "sorry," but Sans couldn't think of anything to say. He'd given up on a lot of things, sure, but the thought of giving up on your own life so much that you'd give it to someone else for their sake...? He'd never even considered it. Though, he supposed, he never had a  _ reason _ to consider it. It's not like his sacrifice would be good for anything, anyway. He took a quiet breath, trying to fake confidence and assurance before even attempting to say anything. With his usual grin, he started, "What makes you think you have to die for things to get better for us? I think most of us woulda been pretty upset if we got to the Surface without you."

The human tipped up their head, brow furrowed with confusion. "What are you talking about? You guys barely know me."

"Yeah, and you barely know us, but were willing to sacrifice everything for our sake. What's the difference?"

Their gaze fell to the snowy ground. "B-but, that's different. Cause I mean, I don't have anything left... my only choices left in life remaining are things I never want to do. You guys didn't have any choices available other than what was down here... so I wanted to give you guys the chance to make more decisions."

"And who's to say that you have to go back to your old life now that you opened the way to the Surface?" Sans remarked. "You didn't have us before, but now ya do. And I'm sure everyone would love to keep ya around. That seems like a pretty different path from most humans, if I had to guess."

The human fell silent, almost as if they were trying to reason with their own sadness to make it make sense. Yes, they had a different path now that they made monster friends, but that doesn't mean they won't be forced into a nine-to-five job, right? That they'd still wake up every morning feeling like they just wanted to go back to sleep? That they'd still be too drained after every normal task to even so much as take a break for themself and their passions? The path will just continue, even with friends. It didn't matter. Their choices didn't matter. Everything just happens. They couldn't even die by their own decision.

The human jumped out of their skin when they felt a gentle touch on their shoulder. Sans retracted his hand immediately, arms raised in surrender. "Heh, sorry, just thought that might help? I'm not great at this sort of thing," he confessed. The human just shook their head, not really sure what to say in response. Why was he trying so hard to help? Why didn't he leave when he saw you like this? Why was everyone being so nice to someone they'd barely met?

"Why haven't you left yet?" they mumbled.

Sans blinked. He hadn't prepared for that question. Then again, he didn't come prepared for any of this. He let his hands fall back to his sides, offering the best smile he could muster, and said, "Why would I? I'm not just gonna leave ya here to cry by yourself."

"It's probably for the better. I'll get over it eventually. You guys don't deserve to waste your time on me. I shouldn't be anyone's concern." The human scrunched up into a tighter ball. "Everyone else is ignoring me. You should too. Just go back and tell Toriel I'll be fine. I'll come back eventually."

"Hm, nah, don't think I will," Sans replied. "She'll just worry more if I do that."

"Then just go do something else."

"Still not gonna."

"Why?" the human hissed, snapping their head up to face him. Their eyes were red with both fury and fear at the same time, tears outlining both equally. "Go do something else! Don't just sit here and listen to me complain about my shitty life! You've got stuff to pack, right? Go do that! Don't waste your time on me."

He didn't know what to say, honestly, but he knew he shouldn't leave. Sans could only see himself in the human before him, wondering if this is how Papyrus felt every time he'd walked in on Sans breaking down. But the problem was that Sans isn't Papyrus: he's not good at being positive no matter what, he's not good at reassuring people even when he's sure hope is lost, he's not good at knowing exactly what to say. Well, if anything, he knew he could understand where the human was coming from. Empathy was a fair enough start as any, right?

"Hey, buddy. You don't need to keep isolating your feelings 'n' stuff like you're the only one who feels that way. 'cause I can tell you for sure that you're not," he started. "I don't like doin' a lot of normal stuff either. Working, cooking, it's all just not fun. I never cook, I just have someone else do it for me. And I always do the minimal at work, since it's so boring bein' by myself for so long, so I'm usually out doing anything  _ but _ what I'm suppose to."

"That's not the same," the human snapped. "You're still able to do what you want without feeling drained. Everything I do makes me feel so tired, but if I don't catch myself back up to everyone else soon enough, I'll just fall flat. I'll be homeless, on the streets, unable to do anything for myself. I'll probably die anyway."

"C'mon, that's not true. You're not gonna die. You've got people here to back you up," Sans tried to reassure. "I know Tori was sayin' something earlier about you movin' in with her, and I'm sure she'd be more than willing to help you get back on your feet. Or, if that doesn't work out, you could crash with my bro and I. I'm sure Papyrus would be ecstatic at the idea."

"Why?" the human asked. "Why do you want to put up with me an inconvenience yourself?"

"I think it's called 'helping,' bud."

The human fell silent. They'd run out of reasoning to justify their sadness. "Well, don't do that either! Helping me just wastes your time!"

"I mean, it sure didn't. You broke the barrier, buddy. I don't think that woulda happened if none of us down here had helped you along the way."

Tears stumbled from the human's eyes. Their logic was lost. "No -- that's -- different! That's different!! It's not... it's not... ..." They sucked in a harsh breath. " _ Fuck! _ No! Stop! Just! Leave me alone! Go help yourself! I don't deserve it! I'll figure something out! Don't waste your time on me!"

Sans sat silently as he let the loud, harsh words slam into him. The human had gone past sadness and was now deeper into fear, panic painting their face. They sniffled with hiccupped breathing, clenching their grasp around their knees even tighter than before. They pushed themselves closer into the house's side, as if trying to get as far away from Sans as possible.

He... didn't know what to say anymore. Had he said something wrong? Done something to hurt them? Did the human just happen to hate him, so no matter what he said it was going to send them spiraling into this deeper hole of despair? But it's not like he could leave now. That seemed the absolute  _ worst _ option. It's not like he had a gut instinct to listen to either -- without having a gut, it was kinda hard to do that. Ugh, even he knew that this wasn't the time for even internal jokes.

Sans got up from sitting next to the human and instead sat in front of them so he could face them more directly... ignoring the fact that their face was still buried in their knees. He took a quiet deep breath, and tried his very damnedest to sound sincere. "Hey," he whispered. "It's gonna be alright, ok? I don't know what you've been through before but... You don't have to do it alone anymore, got it? You've got us. We're here for ya now. Tori, Undyne, Pap, Alphys, me; we've got your back, ok? We want to help you. You helped us, haven't you? Seems fair enough to want to help you in return."

The human didn't respond at first. They just kept crying. Sans wasn't even entirely sure they heard him at first, until they lifted their head up and instead rested their chin on their knees. They didn't meet his gaze. "I don't understand..." they muttered.

"You don't really have to, I don't understand a lot of things either, bud."

Their lip quivered, trying to hold back another outburst. "I... I..."

"C'mon, everyone's waiting for you, y'know. We're all excited to go to the Surface with you." It was Sans's last offer. He'd run out of things to say. Maybe if he could bring them back to the group, they'd feel a bit better, surrounded by people who knew what to say much better than he did. He offered out his hand, with intention of helping them stand upright again. The human stared at it for a long while. For a brief second, they glanced up to Sans's eyes, the bright eyelights offering as much gentle reassurance as he could manage.

They let go of the grip on their knees, letting their legs fall, laying straight out to either side of them. They went to grab his hand, but hesitated. They weren't ready to face everyone yet, not in this state. They didn't want to face everyone while they were still crying. It was already bad enough that Sans had found them this way, but they were fairly sure he wouldn't just go mocking their tears around to everyone -- well, maybe he would, he did make a lot of jokes. They hesitated even more.

Sans didn't move or prod them. He just waited.

"I..." they muttered. "Sans, I... I can't go back yet. Not like this. I don't want to worry everyone else. Because... I've been crying..."

Sans dropped his hand. "That's ok. Then I'll wait here with you."

The human could feel their heart race with embarrassment, guilty over his decision to stay. "Y-you don't have to."

"Yeah, but I kinda want to. We could even go in my house if ya want, it is cold out here after all."

They violently shook their head. "No, it's fine."

"Ya sure?"

"Yes."

"Alrighty then," he finalized. Sans slid back to his spot next to the human, back leaning against the metal door behind him. "Then we'll stay here."

The human stared at the ground for a while and their arms resting on their lap. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this," they mumbled.

"Why sorry?" he asked.

"I - I dunno, like, because... I've been crying. You guys are so excited to go to the Surface, and here I am, bawling my eyes out over the fact that I don't want to go back. Am I really doing everything for you guys if I can't even be there for you at the moment of your dreams?"

"You're allowed to be afraid of stuff, y'know. Not everyone's got the same hopes and dreams, right? Isn't that why you're so scared to go back, because you don't wanna do the same stuff as everyone else, because it strays from your own desires?" Sans proclaimed. "That's alright though. People help other people. Or at least we try. Sometimes it doesn't really work out. But nobody good wants to see other people upset." He paused, turning his head to face them. "Lemmie ask you a question," Sans continued. "What  _ do _ you want to do?"

The human paused. "I... I don't know. But I can't keep doing the things the way I have been. It's killing me. I..." They sniffled again, trying to hold back more tears as they continued. "I don't want to die, Sans."

"Aw, geez, bud, I didn't mean for you to start cryin' again. Sorry, I shouldn't've said anything," Sans apologized. But the human merely shook their head in response, an oddly timed smile poking from the corners of their lips.

"It's fine," they grinned. "I'll be okay." They took some deep breaths, trying to catch up on what was lost and slow down their bawling so they wouldn't start crying for another twenty or so minutes.

Sans didn't know what to do. He was firmly ready to patiently wait there for the human to sit for as long as they needed, but he just felt the need to do  _ something _ to help them. If he kept talking, he was worried that he'd make them cry again. He was used to being able to hug Papyrus when he was crying, but since the human jolted from so much as a pat on the shoulder, he was convinced that was out of the question. He supposed he could ask, but if they said no, then it'd just be really awkward, so maybe he'll just wait and see if they prompt for it instead. Even still, he wasn't sure what to do.

The human sat in complete silence, focusing on their breathing and remaining as calm as they could. They tried thinking about anything other than the worries on their mind: they stared at the snow on the ground, daydreaming about the snowmen they'd made during the winter back home as a kid. They listened to the cheerful chatter amongst the Snowdin townspeople as they were excited to leave for the Surface, remembering the times they packed up and moved from their hometown, ecstatic to go someplace new. They listened to the rustling pine trees, once again finding themself in the the forest of pines near their home. They felt tranquility for a moment, closing their eyes as they started to think again on anything other than their current fears and warnings.

Sans was merely staring off into the distance. His mind had sort of wandered elsewhere, wondering about what he'd eat later when they got to the Surface -- would human food taste any different? He'd heard it was supposed to be solid food rather than magic. He wondered if humans still used magic, even. But, despite his hungry thoughts, he couldn't shake off the internal excitement he had for finally seeing the one thing he'd been waiting to see his whole life: the night sky. Maybe it was cliché, as so many monsters shared the same dream of seeing the stars, but he couldn't help it. His own curiosity got the best of him. Written records of descriptions and old photographs of vague dots in blackness just weren't enough. But now, he'd get to see it. He'd  _ finally _ get to see it.

He snapped awake from his thoughts as something fell onto his shoulder. He whipped his head to the left, seeing the human had fallen asleep at his side. Tension dropped immediately, and instead he merely chuckled. "Geez, buddy, you really wore yourself out today, haven't you?" He couldn't imagine living out the long day the human had today. They'd fallen down this morning, and by nightfall, they broke down the barrier. It didn't seem right to wake them up, despite the fact that he definitely should have. Instead, he just leaned his head against theirs, and started taking a nap of his own.


End file.
